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Lesson 1: Mullet Vocabulary
In order to fully understand the true essence of the mullet, a few terms must be studied and understood.
mullet* (mu' lit) 1. any of a family of edible, spiny-rayed fishes found in fresh and salt waters and having a small mouth and feeble teeth, as the striped (or gray) mullet. 2. any haircut which the sides and top of the hair are significantly shorter than the back (the originator of the term "mullet" seems to be Mike D of Beastie Boys fame).
*Other terms for the hairstyle known to me and many others as the "mullet" include, but are not limited to: ape drape, schlong (short+long), hockey hair, soccer rocker, sfelbie (SFLB=Short Front, Long Back), IROC cut, camaro cut, sho-lo, the Billie Ray, neckwarmer, mudflap, kentucky waterfall, Canadian Passport, 10-90 (proportional to the amount of hair on top and on bottom), El-Camino, shag, business in the front, party in the back, the safety cut, the Tennessee Tophat, etc.
mulletude (mu' li' tewd) the attitude that comes with the adornment of the mullet, behaviors can include the following: beating one's spouse, scowling or sneering at those who don't have mullets, engaging in fights on a regular basis (preferably with those who are not part of the mullet brotherhood), stealing, pedophilia, listening to butt-rock, attending monster truck rallies, driving a Chevrolet CamaroÆ (model years 1970-1993) or mini-truck, snorting crank, working in construction, misogyny, getting angry at the drop of a hat, date rape, speaking in an inappropriately loud voice, see picture below.
butt-rock (but-rk) rock n' roll music produced from the mid 70's to present that has the following characteristics: four or five male members (with the exception of Rush) with long, feathered hair (bangs are common, but not neccesary) or mullets, wailing guitar solos, distorted guitars, and lyrics about women, sex, drugs, Satan, and cars. typical butt-rock bands are Winger, Scorpions, Dio, Ted Nugent, Lynard Skynard, The Marshall Tucker Band, Metallica (1990-present), Whitesnake, Def Leppard, Rush, Journey, Krokus, Accept, AC/DC, W.A.S.P., Van Halen, Sammy Hagar, Slash's Snakepit etc. BUTT ROCK FOR A NEW GENERATION: Kid Rock, Limp Bizkit, White Zombie, (don't send me any more e-mails bitching about the bands listed, if you like any of those bands, I don't want to hear from you, Mulletboy).
crank (krank) a low cost methamphetamine--commonly used by mulletheads (San Jose biker crank seems to be a favorite).
Wal*Mart (wÙl mrt) the world's largest retailer; specializing in monopoly, sweat shops, high turnover rates, fascism, Satanism, and coprophilia--a favorite gathering place for mulletheads and their families.
Lesson 2: Mullet Classification
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