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72: vegas minitruckmullet: thought to be extinct in the early nineties, canadian mullitia special unit sergent "Gary" spotted a glorious specimen in Vegas on 11/11/00 and documented the story in the following message:

• extremely vocal and chatty • king of the one-liner who can never be outdone, especially when confronted by Canadians. • unlit cigarette constantly in hand provided an atmosphere of uncertainty. • typical sweater-over-sweater-over-turtleneck-tight bluejeans fashion sensibilities. all appear to be clean and doused with fake Drakkar. • glasses on forehead remain on the eyebrows as to preserve his copper/gold masterpiece. • the ultimate irony - the loser "L" signal slipped in just as shot was taken....that sly devil. • despite friendly, snappy one-liners, there was a definite underlying angry defensiveness which gave the encounter an edge. i peed myself. • faux(?) gold chain -- good form/shape/size, presented proudly and defiantly upon chest. • molester moustache (not to be confused with trash 'stache)-- well kempt.

note: mullitia documents must be updated. this species seems to be making a comeback. we have received reports of unsubstantiated sightings in nebraska, northeast florida, and tennnessee.
reliable mullitia sources have concluded the migratory patterns of this particular species point to an undisclosed location in new jersey--possibly to return to their homeland. Wildwood is suspected, but more conclusive studies are needed for the full report.

click here for #73

74: atomicfemullet: this subspecies is a bitter enemy of the american soccer mom. for those of you in other countries: a soccer mom is an attractive, white mini-van driving, ex-cheerleader who married the football star the day after high school graduation. after a few ugly kids squirt out of her, she totes them around the suburbs like a kangaroo while their dad brings home the bacon at the toyota dealership and fucks random secratary sluts.
they have a 3 bedroom 2 bath, 2 story house in the upper-middle class part of town and regularly attend school and town meetings and of course, all of their children's extra-curricular activities.
clashes between these two cultures are rare because of the contrasting lifestyles. the mullet lives for all the which thrills life has to offer. their "i don't give a fuck" philosophy takes them to new heights in mulletude, and gets them to the coveted top row (under the grandstand) seats in NASACAR competitions.
meanwhile the meager soccer mom sits watching her pretentious daughter's banal cheerleading routine for the 32nd time.
while the mullet is rokken out with her cokk out at the def leppard reunion tour, the soccer mom is making peach costumes for the school pageant.
i really don't know where i'm going with this so i'm gonna stop now.

DUELING TURTLENECKS

BEST HAIR!?!

TEAM MULLET 1993: "The Sokker Rokkers"

TOP ROW (Left to Right): Al "Hotneck" Harrenberg, Danny "Cracker Barrel" Collins, Steve "The Vapor-Trail" Smith, Horace "Pellet-Pelt" Horowitz, "Special" Ed Euchation, Tommy "Bootz Nokker" Rollins, "Lubricated" Larry Lozenge, Ted "Arseface" Endt.

BOTTOM ROW: Saul T. Sack, Jeremy Sullivan, Chadwick S. Firemullet, Harry Nutz, Harry Mole, Harry Crack, Ayeof D'Tiger.

76: trailermullet; subspecies: colorado avalanche:

PRE-LARVAL STAGE	ADULT STAGE (POST-PHAGOCYTOSIS)

during it's larval stage, the trailermullet observes the behavior of those in its community in order to develop the many survival skills associated with its breed. after this stinky species is well schooled in the basic skills any proper mullet should know: subtle emotional abuse techniques, advanced methamphetamine production, post date-rape etiquette, and government assistance programs, this species is ready for a trailer of its own.

while enjoying the fruits of our labor, the post-larval trailermullet has lots time for such recreational activities as: kickin' ass and takin' names, and "whoooooo paaaarttaaaayyy"ing.

the e-mail which accompanied the "ADULT STAGE" pics goes as follows:

What's up? Here are some pics from a friends going away party that was a Hawaiin theme. Please bear in mind that he came out of nowhere--nobody knew this guy. Attire included: a Colorado Avalanche Hockey jersey, acid washed jeans, and big white sneakers. While he was there, we observed the following activities: instead of scooping the punch, he picked up the bowl and tried to pour it into his cup, double fisting beer and liquor. and coke snorting in the bathroom. With his miniscule brain racing from the powerful effects of the cocaine, he smoked a big 'ol joint, and proceeded to pick a fight with my brother--all being standard behavior for this specimen. Note the molesterstashe and apparent lack of standard human intelligence. Please post these pix ASAP.

Later,

a fellow mullet hunter in Denver, Colorado

indeed, I note the molestorstache and pre-hominid facial features, but, what about the flaring nostrils, greasy hair, and decayed teeth which are also common in this breed?

-j.

77. fubuskullet: FUBU is and acronym for "For us, by us." of course, the word "us" could have a variety of meanings, but i don't think this is what they had in mind.

note the mustache (molestache) and the generally unkempt, fuzzy/greasy, random facial hair.

this particular breed seems to be adept at lying to girls about his career in the auto-security industry in order to get a taste of some"sweet poontang."

78. moldedmullet: these odd creatures spend an extraordinary amount of time and money on the hourly maintenance of their coiffe. to them, the mullet is more than a haircut (er, make that two haircuts), but rather a demonstration of hair dominance.

though their mulletude is typically above 8, their aggressiveness is unusually low for a mullet of this stature. this is explained best by senior staph writer solomon garcia:
"my rectum quivers for you."

that being said, i'd like to make some notes of my own:

• -yellow cellphone indicates construction work/underwater exploration.
• -what the fuck is up with that girl's hat?
• -the more i look at it, the more i say: "damn, that's a nice fucking mullet."

79. karaokemullet
by rowe b. wan

this mullet can carry on in society with little aggressiveness. however, when this stallion is under the spotlight, he's like a lion in the jungle. king of his territory...dominant. the microphone is his antelope, hunting it and tearing into it's plastic flesh. be sure to encourage the karaoke mullet. although his stage presence displays confidence, his emotions are innocent and frail, like that of a child. if he doesn't get praise, expect this gentle creature to cry himself to sleep.

80. oakleyscamaromullet:
By g. castillito

The Guy outside of my childhood. This is the man who is entirely disconnected from the ideals of political power as a piece of the individual. This is a person who finds the things directly in font of him (or rather presented (force-fed?)) to him (via TV, radio, and the news) to be he most pressing problems of the world. Problems beyond his grasp are recognized--yet ignored--not because of stupidity, but rather as a poster child for America's brand of socialization.

This man is the representative of the majority of Americans in that he has no sense of his own political power; he sees policy and power as distinct from himself.

He is the antithesis of the 1960's activist. the 60s man felt the world was his. This man feels the world progress or regresses, regardless of his input. We cannot feel sorry for this man, and we cannot feel that he is less significant than ourselves as politically active people--this man will someday be appreciated for more than his wondrous camaromullet.

He does not object to his own political impotence; it is entirely comfortable to him. His lethargy is justified by the extent to which a 200 year old political process has ignored him and exploited him--except to the extent that it has given him the chance to make money (circumstances (not under his control) providing).

He is both ignored and a symbol of the potential for Americans to either stand where they are and stare in apathy, or recognize the potential they have to control their surroundings--entirely.

hence another reason not to taunt, nor disrespect mullets. on the contrary, everyone should have the utmost respect them--for if you want a better life for everyone: worldwide: appreciate the ponderous flaring, kempt, choice mullet, and the lifestyle which accompanies it, and hope for a future of control.

god bless us, every one.

happy new year.