Classifications: Section VI

51. cokemullet

Q: too much whiskey, whores, wrasslin' and cocaine for this fella?

A: never! just gettin' a B.J. from the ol' bitch.

• Mulletude: 8
• Aggressiveness: 9
• Hobbies: shootin' up whiskey, amputee porn
• Sightings: Texas
• Fun Facts: the the males of this particular species cannot reach climax without a tug of the mullet and a thumb in the bum

52. speeddealermullet

found in the more urban areas, the speeddealermullet is a fearless rival of the camaromullet. the two are longtime enemies and are are constantly at war over customers, territory, and auto parts.

• Mulletude: 10
• Aggressiveness: 10
• Hobbies: blood, fire
• Sightings: Orange County
• Quote: I'd think real hard before you think about lookin' at me again.

53. Repressed Rednecks

• deer heads on the wall
• bud light, coors light, and marlboros on the table
• pro-wrestling on the big screen
• seem about right?

WRONG!

scroll down for a peek into the inner-dwellings and inner-lives of the redneckmullet

it seems as if the homoerotic nature of pro-wrestling on the tele has stirred up some deep-seated inner desires.

Note:

• the anger and confusion on the mullet's face as he tries to cope his inner-conflict.
• the ballerina-like stance of the guy in the packers jersey
• the satisfied, curious, wonderous gaze on the fudge packer's face

54. proles

much like those described in 1984, these red-forearmed "simple folk" get pregnant at 15 and don't stop squirting out kids until thier grandkids need help with their kids.

they keep the mulleted community's economy alive by purchasing and bartering useless novelties such as: airbrushed t-shirts, wood-handled knife collections, "freedom rock" compilations, and anything available from the franklin mint.

these two seem to have struck (fool's) gold with these fine, fine airbrushed bo and luke duke t-shirts, which are sure to catapult them to god-like status in their respective trailer parks.

"If there is any hope, any hope at all, it lies in the proles."

55: conflict of interest

smack-down-mullet:get your hands off me, you coldneck! you call that a mullet? this is a mullet (shakes head and lets mullet drift in the wind).

cop: (weeps). they told me (sob) i had to cut it off. i used to be one of you—i used to be cool. now my neck and back feel bare and vulnerable, my Busch doesn't taste the same, and my guns don't give me a hard-on anymore.

sdm: (gives warm embrace to cop) it's okay, brother. it's okay.

56: Loch Ness Mullet

in these rare photos we see that the loch ness mullet has emerged from his home in porta-potty-palace to catch his meals. this endangered species' diet consists of trout trots, turtle testes and totino's pizza (2 for $4.00!).

once it has caught enough food for the winter, this peculiar breed goes back its makeshift home where it wraps itself in plastic, wallows, and waits.

when an unsuspecting visitor enters its home to releive him/herself, the loch ness mullet wails a harrowing and ancient sound, and claps its flippers excitedly while doing the safety dance.

pix submitted by CG, KS Mullitia

57: pimp-ass-midgiemullet

this rare species uses the power of his well-groomed mullet to attract obese women with large, lippy, hairy vaginas and "claw" hairstyles.

• Mulletude: 5
• Aggressiveness: 10
• Hobbies: gs up hos down
• Sightings: Romper Room
• Favorite Band: Dr. Octogon

58: When Mullets Attack

60. virginmullet

the virginmullet is a fairly common find amongst the population. they are characterized by their flacid mullets and odoriferous dwellings.

• Mulletude: 2
• Aggressiveness: 4
• Hobbies: humping your leg, weird testicle/penis contortions
• Sightings: high school keggers (post-graduation), 7-11 (staring at hot dog rollers)
• Favorite Band: Corey Hart