Classifications: Section III

21. Skullet

this subspecies of mullet refuses to let go of its cherished plumage. Too many years of Pabst Blue Ribbon and 7-11 hookers have made this mullet confused and nonsensical. What isn't on top, it more than makes up for in the back. It keeps its locks locked-up in a ponytail for good luck and to keep the chicks hot.

This guy was sitting next to me in the computer lab at school and wouldn't let me use his scanner (1 of the 2 that were working out of all 4) even though he wasn't using it and could've used a computer without one.

After a long story and some shenanigans, I was kicked out of the computer lab by a guy with a hairy back, a pony tail, and bad breath. He took his job very seriously; he had a business card and everything.

And now, the just desserts are yours, stinky-skullet-man the world laughs with you. bbwwwahahahahahahahahahahahaa.

I'm not bitter.

• Mulletude: 10
• Aggressiveness: 2
• Hobbies: writing stupid stories about his shitty life while I don't have a scanner, smelling like ass
• Sightings: SFSU computer labs, sitting in a ditch staring at the wall, mmmmhh. (See Sling Blade)
• Favorite Band: Bad Company

note: nice tank-top

22. parental negligence/child abuse

aren't there laws written to prevent this kind of thing from ever happening?

I can already see the mulletude being passed on. Sad, sad, sad...

• Mulletude: 2
• Aggressiveness: 2
• Hobbies: Goin' up in the fridge and gettin' dad a cold one, playing with mommy's mullet
• Sightings: Slayer concerts, liquor stores, playin' in the doo doo
• Favorite Band: 311

23. 3prong

I was walking to lunch one day with a coworker and we came upon this crazy-ass mullet which I had never seen before. It was separated into 3 sections and flowing under the subject's collar. My mullet hunting assistant MJ did something I told her she should never do at all costs: she touched the mullet, and proceeded to pull it out from its nest!

Stricken with fear and bewilderment, I quickly captured the mullet adjustment on my handy mulletcam (Nikon FE). As you can see by the expression on his face post adjustment, the mullet was not pleased with our behavior, yet he restrained his fury (probably because that's the closest he's been to a woman in years) and we enjoyed our lunch.

• Mulletude: 2
• Aggressiveness: 2
• Hobbies: making forts with couch cushions, lancing goiters
• Sightings: Chinatown, San Francisco
• Favorite Band: ?

note: don't try this at home.

24. grizzledmullet

Union worker.

Pissed off.

Nice mullet.

Very nice mullet.

Looks as if some real time, effort, and nurturing went in the extrapolation of this mullet.

Fuck wage slavery.

grizzledmullet was sent in by a lawyer from Seattle.

• Mulletude: 8
• Aggressiveness: 5
• Hobbies: maintaining his mane
• Sightings: The Midwest, Arena Rock Shows
• Favorite Band: Kenny Rogers

26. redrobinmullet

A subspecies of mulleticusrattailicusfeminis, the red robin mullet displays her vibrant mane when in search of a mate.

Other times of the year, her mullet is drab and gray, but if you see one at the right time of the year, you're in for a treat.

• Mulletude: 8
• Aggressiveness: 6
• Hobbies: power lunches, terminating employees
• Sightings: sushi bars
• Favorite Band: Styx

26. rat-tail

this hybrid-mullet has many variations, and seems to still be running rampant wherever the baseball caps roam free, the television's always on, and the sodomy laws are strictly enforced. Feel free to discuss this amongst yourselves. Pictured here is the embarcadero rat-tail.

• Mulletude: 1
• Aggressiveness: 5
• Hobbies: dancing around naked in Chuck-E-Cheese with his penis tucked between his legs while blinking erratically
• Sightings: all up in ya, ho
• Favorite Band: Britney Spears

27. transimullet

i love you dad.

• Mulletude: 9
• Aggressiveness: 5
• Hobbies: enemas, fisting, cocaine
• Sightings: basements, bath houses, bordellos
• Favorite Band: Stryper

28. not really a mullet

but a damn good picture.

• Mulletude: 0
• Aggressiveness: 8
• Hobbies: huffing fumes, deflowering
• Sightings: wish i knew...wish i knew...
• Favorite Band: REO Speedwagon

29. mulletofdeath

this is my favorite mullet submission. it has anything you could ever ask for. so pissed. so rokken. hell yeah. ¡Viva la Mullet!

• Mulletude: 8
• Aggressiveness: 7
• Hobbies: rockin' riffs, wailing leads, killer licks, galloping chops
• Sightings: Guitar Center, dive bars, Seidel Advertising
• Favorite Band: Yngwie Malmsteen's Rising Force

30. holy shit!!!

• Mulletude: 10
• Aggressiveness: 10
• Hobbies: drivin' the lane, Bankshot!
• Sightings: a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away
• Favorite Band: whoever sings about livin' la vida loca