Classifications: Section II
11. euromullet
A suave mullet. A swank mullet. An understanding mullet. A considerate mullet. A sensitive mullet. Still a mullet.
- Mulletude: 3
- Aggressiveness: 2
- Hobbies: shopping at The Sharper Image, the outdoors, SUV's, sweater fun
- Sightings: Trader Joe's, dance clubs where everyone is 10 years younger than them
- Favorite Band: whatever's cool...
12. Frolet
Mysterious.
Not much is known about this rare mullet.
This archive photo was taken in 1921 and is believed to be the only picture of a true frolet in existence.
- Mulletude: ?
- Aggressiveness: ?
- Hobbies: ?
- Sightings: ?
- Favorite Band: ?
13. aussiemullet
Apparently these guys are like Gods in Australia. I don't quite understand how "Aussie Rules" Football came about, but I believe it had something to do with governmental genetics experiments during the late 70's.
Descendants of criminals? I think not.
- Mulletude: 10
- Aggressiveness: 10
- Hobbies: grab-assing, horse play, standing around fucking the dog
- Sightings: Pubs, dentists, walkabouts with wallabees
- Favorite Band: Cold Chisel
14. ???
Mary Mother of God make it stop!!!
- Mulletude: 6
- Aggressiveness: 9
- Hobbies: freaking people out, drawing mustaches
- Sightings: I don't want to know
- Favorite Band: Morbid Angel
15. hesher
a hesher who chooses to rokk (as in Dokken) the mullet. A subspecies of the filthier "Groders," the heshers are definitely a force to be reckoned with. Note the molester mustache and mischievous look. Heshermullets like riding their BMX bikes around town and selling oregano (disguised as pot) to Junior High students on their way to the video arcade.
- Mulletude: 11
- Aggressiveness: 11
- Hobbies: putting firecrackers up cats' butts, lighting fires, scrawling Satanic slogans on their white Converse with no laces
- Sightings: Liquor stores, dry humping under the bleachers
- Favorite Band: Dokken
*
yet disturbingly appealing.
if i were a mullet breeder, i would no-doubt pay top dollar for this particular quoiffe.
A few reflections on some pertinant matters:
- Goatees: I feel that for the most part, goatees are a determining factor in how whack a person is. There were a few cool people with goatees out there, but they are indeed few and far between. I say "determining factor" because i see a lot of cheeseballs, and a good majority of them have goatees. But don't judge solely on a goatee, there are other determining factors to help you along (these rules apply to men, and some women):
- necklaces: bad, especially if they're gold, or have beads
- turtlenecks: run as far away as possible
- liked the movie Face Off: this is one of the easiest ways to determine whether or not the person you just met is a complete idiot
Update
- From: WilsonNine
- Date: Fri, 8 Feb 2002 13:23:29 EST
- To: -j.
- Subject: mullet classification # 16
PLEASE: let me clarify something here. as i am am sure that you would correct someone mis-classifying a mullet.... the moustache (sort of moustache) pictured with classification # 16 is NOT a goatee.
a goatee is ONLY the hair on the the chin. what is in fact pictured is a VAN DYKE. it is named duly after the Dutch painter Antoon Van Dyke 1599-1641. (reference)
one final note on moustaches: a person having what appears to be an upside down "U" over his lip down to his chin (shorter as some mullet wanna be's or longer as traditional chinese sages) is called a Fu Man Chu.
thank you for taking the time to read this.
c wilson
c. wilson,
dammit.
♥,
-j.
17. trashmullet
trailer trash with a mullet. All that is needed to have a trash mullet is a trailer, some guns, a big-ass truck, a rebel flag, lots of mulletude, and no hair-care products.
some trashmullets think that they are gangstas. these trashmullets tend to manicure their mullet into a rat-tail. the rattailtrashmullets attire is different than the trashmullets, but the mulletude remains the same.
- Mulletude: 10
- Aggressiveness: 10
- Hobbies: see the Harmony Korine film, Gummo
- Sightings: anywhere where there's wood-paneling, lots of cats, and velvet paintings of jesus
- Favorite Band: Krokus
18. permullet
A mullet that has been specially treated with a permanent. This primping of the mullethead's plumage means that the subject takes great pride in his her lifestyle.
The permullet tends to be a little less aggressive than his mullet counterparts, most likely because he she doesn't want to taint his mullet with the sweat that would be released in the process of kicking your ass.
- Mulletude: 0
- Aggressiveness: 0
- Hobbies: hobbies
- Sightings: sightings
- Favorite Band: band
19. bowlet:
quite simply a bowl-cut with a mullet added for spice. Don't be fooled by this creatures gentle demeanor and humorous looks, they are considered extremely volatile.
- Mulletude: 10
- Aggressiveness: 10
- Hobbies: Crack Rock, Rokken' Crack
- Sightings: Bars, locally owned fast food restaurants, barns
- Favorite Band: The Eagles
half of a half-assed haircut; the epitome of the mullet philosophy.
- Mulletude: 2.5
- Aggressiveness: 2.5
- Hobbies: anal love beads
- Sightings: Germany
- Favorite Band: Scorpions